Explanations

Hello,

I'd like to apologize that my blogging hasn't been as frequent this time around. (Yes, I know that apology only applies to like three people who actually keep up with this blog, but there's your apology!) In all honesty, I think the reason for my lack of updates is that I don't feel as if I have anything very encouraging to share these days. There has been a lot going on lately and I've been very overwhelmed by it all. I don't want to write anything that will depress you, but I thought it would be a good idea to put my thoughts in writing. I apologize in advance if any of this is too much of a downer to read! I'm not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve (actually, my good friends and family would say otherwise), but I need to get this out there.

As you know, we lost our congregation's only elder recently, leaving us with just three ministerial servants, including myself. At the moment, I'm giving two talks at each meeting on average. In addition, I've been made the territory servant, literature servant, and magazine servant - that's until we have our CO visit next month, so that load could change or even increase. We're in the process of completely reorganizing our territory and creating new maps. We also just inherited another large portion of territory for the congregation. I'm learning the ropes of taking care of the literature. It's not the easiest assignment, especially when you're learning how to do it in another language. Cycling out to Ojo in the awful heat is another major challenge. It completely drains you of energy to the point where you have very little left over for anything else.

Thankfully, though, I no longer have to cycle out to Ojo! An old friend is letting me use their scooter since they've left Nicaragua. It runs pretty well, and what's even better is that I am way too big for it. Mock as you may, but it is so much fun! 

This makes a big difference. Yes, I have a lot to do in the congregation, but at least transportation isn't a big issue anymore. Well, at least it wasn't a big issue. The scooter was running perfectly fine for a few weeks, but then it would no longer start. Kickstarting it wasn't good for it either. I took it to the mechanic, and he told me that they need to find a specific part for the electric starter - eje de arranque (I think the closest translation is a boot shaft?). The part is difficult to find to begin with, and even harder to find for a small scooter. I went with him to several other mechanics, and none of them have the part we need. It's been with the mechanic for about a week and half now. He's going to Managua today to see if anybody there might have it. If they can't find the part, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Yes, I can still cycle out to Ojo, but now that there is even more to do in the congregation, a 25-minute commute to a very rural area in the hottest part of Nicaragua doesn't exactly lighten the load. I cannot describe how exhausting it is - physically and mentally. Like I said before, it nearly drains you of all your energy to the point where you don't have much left over for the meetings and the ministry. Doing so five days a week is just too much. I simply just can't do it, and I'm not sure how I managed to do it for as long as I did. Not to mention, I also lost an incredible amount of weight doing so, which wasn't healthy at all. I've been able to catch a taxi out there for the meetings, but that is very expensive. In the meantime, I've just been out witnessing with the English congregation until the scooter gets repaired - if that ever happens.

The whole situation is extremely frustrating, especially when you have goals for your ministry and Bible studies waiting for you. I want to be out with my congregation so badly but I've hardly been out at all. I am also frustrated with myself because I feel like I'm limiting myself by not just sucking it up and cycling out there. And when that happens, you begin to question whether or not you're really fit for this avenue of service. 

I also have an in-classroom job teaching English down here. It's a good job and I really enjoy it, but I haven't been paid yet. They're supposed to pay me soon, but in the meantime, you start to have anxiety about running out of money - an anxiety that lies in the back of every need-greater's mind. 

When you're not able to go out witnessing in your congregation and you're out with a congregation where your ministry is not centered, what happens then? You feel useless. What happens next? You feel homesick. What happens after that? You contemplate changing your flights and flying home early. But then you kick yourself for having such a give-up attitude. 

Don't get me wrong, there are still many things down here that bring me a great deal of joy! I have some great friends here that serve as an excellent support system. The congregation in Ojo has been supportive as usual, especially my friend Roberto. My friends Josh and Cassie treat me as their own son. The guys are always encouraging to be around as well. 

Yesterday, my good friend Jefte invited me to work out in service with him to cheer me up. Although we had to walk several miles throughout the day in a rural area (something he neglected to tell me beforehand, as if I wouldn't like that idea), we had a great time. He puts up with my...well...me-ness...very well. It's good to have patient friends! His advice and friendship have always been great sources of encouragement to me.

There may or may not have been some tree-climbing involved...

I've also resumed my Bible study with my old student Jorge - my friend Zach was covering the study while I was away. He's doing very well. He's getting healthier and keeping up with his Bible reading. What's even more encouraging is that his wife Sandra is officially studying with a local Spanish sister! She loves it, and diligently keeps up with it. Now that they both are studying, I can see the overall increase of joy among their family. They eagerly await our weekly study, and that definitely makes it all worth it.

In addition, I have four friends coming to visit next month! My brother Ben and his wife Bree will be coming down again for a few weeks, as well as our good friends Travis and Nicole. I wish they could be here right now. I'm so excited! I miss them a lot. So yes, there are many things that help you through times like this. 

Of course, Jehovah has been the biggest source of help. He provides all the other sources for you. I've certainly not put aside personal study and throwing my anxiety on Him in prayer every day. I've especially been empowered by reading the new Bible! I only have the app for now, but I will be receiving my personal copy next month when my visitors come. It's unbelievably easier to understand and true evidence of His love for us! I would say the key to coping with discouraging times like this is relying on Jehovah. That's what has helped me through challenges before, and I'm sure that it will get me through this time as well.

Still, we need to work in harmony with our prayers. I guess just sitting here whining and complaining about my problems doesn't really qualify as doing that. That being said, this is what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna pack a change of clothes, two large bottles of water, an extra sweat rag, and cycle out to Ojo's meeting tomorrow. It's certainly not ideal, but that's the best I can do. What good are my prayers if I'm not gonna give Jehovah my best? 

Rest assured that I do not regret my decision to serve here. I've spent more than a year here, and the experience has brought me inexplicable joy and true meaning to my life. However, that doesn't mean that it comes without challenges. The society has printed many encouraging and relatable articles about need-greaters who have dealt with even worse scenarios! I am determined to make the best out of this situation once again and be even closer to Jehovah because of it.

Again, I apologize for another depressing post. The last time I was feeling discouraged about life here, I kept silent about it, which only made things worse. It feels a lot better to just admit it. 

An inspirational photo Jefte just sent me.

Thank you all for your support. Please contact me and let me know how you're doing! And don't worry about me - I've got my air conditioner to help me cope!

Stay in touch.

Sam